Dara Lobeira, Moon Child Cyanotypes (2022)

On Gods & Monsters

Waltz of womanhood // Animals such as I

I.

Step here

Step there

Be palatable

Do not think of Xibalba

Keep your eyes straight

Don’t look down

Or it will consume you

(The fire you cannot see)

(But can only feel)

Keep your eyes straight

‘No!’

‘Not like that, Christina!’

The blow hits my back

Unforgivingly

‘You have to let the man lead!’

I lower my gaze

But heighten

My chin

‘Or what?’

The chorus of my mind, echoes

‘Or what?’

Licking my canines

I taste the blood, of what he has not suffered

My rage dances within

As I dance without

What caves

Has he entered?

What lives

Has he birthed?

‘Keep time, keep time!’

The Voice screeches

I lick

My other teeth

Inevitability

Entropy

I see it all before me

I would part the sea

To make my own way

Not as man

Not as holder of the staff

But as woman

Mother

Daughter

Of everything

That lives

‘Let him lead!’

I hear her scream, again

I look up at my supposed tactician

Handsome, acceptable

And this time

I laugh

Full-bodied

Like the hound

That I am

(Blood rising)

Head thrown back

Baying

To Brother Wind

And Sister Moon

Smile

As wide as the cosmos

II.

The music stops

And I look into

My appointeds eyes

Placid, and blue

A chiseled jaw

A path as straight as the bluebird

A spirit as carefree

(A shine, in his eyes)

Reflections of a familiar bonfire

Across the distance

That is men and women

‘You’re so beautiful when you smile’

In the moment before

The Moirai

Attempts to strike me again

I turn and face her

Whole, and holy

I meet her gaze

Across the ages

Of my womanhood

Across the faces

Of all life

She becomes the looking glass

And shatters

When I choose to look away

Some creatures

Are not made

To be bound

III.

I can still feel the slip

Of the freshly waxed parquet

Between Madison and Park

The feel of his suit

(Brioni)

The smell

Of Gardenia

(His favorite)

The weight

Of the family diamond

The Ceylon sapphire

But

I am nobody’s wife

I am nobody's daughter

(As they say, God has no grandchildren)

I am meant

For the rivers and fields

Forever bathing

In the silence

Of the Sublime

The divinity of a Destiny

Still unknown to me

Driven by a sacred heart

My companions

The vestal Virgin

The raucous Ram

And others, to come

Still nameless

Drawn by the inexorable call

Of Beauty

IIII.

In the moments after

Her shattering

The rings clatters

To the floor

The bluebird calls to me, bereft

Singing the only song

He knows

But I turn

Certain

(Wolves do not bed bluebirds)

(Animals such as I)

(Do not waltz)

On my heel

And leave

Without a trace

Never to be recovered

V.

If you must seek me

Look to the stars

Look to the rivers

And fields

But only, if you must

I howl in bliss

Among my brethren

Wedded only

To the Moonlight

Of my own Desire

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*Written work by Christina Mokwa – © Christina Mokwa/Mokwa LLC/Mokwa Creative Company